Some women come from a single look. But that’s a rare gift. Plenty of women find it tricky to reach a peak. That can be frustrating for her — and for you. After all, you both want to enjoy yourselves without orgasm-frustration getting in the way. Don’t worry. With our tips, you should be able to send your wife, girlfriend or casual lover into bliss.
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- Take time for foreplay
- Her upper body
- Communication
- Try these clitoris massage tips
- Stimulate other hotspots
- Use a sex toy
- Try other sex positions
- Talk dirty
- Stamina
- Orgasm coming? Keep going!
1. Take time for foreplay
Foreplay is the most underrated part of sex. But it’s exactly where the passion ignites and the journey toward climax begins. During foreplay the blood vessels expand, sending more blood to the vagina, clitoris and labia. That makes her entire vulva more sensitive, gives a flush of warmth, and the whole area becomes wet.
“During foreplay the blood vessels expand, sending more blood to the vagina, clitoris and labia. That makes her entire vulva more sensitive.”
That doesn’t happen in 5 minutes. You’ll need to set aside time for it. Plan on at least fifteen minutes of foreplay. During foreplay you can lick, give a massage, kiss her neck — the options are endless and they’re all worth exploring.
2. Her upper body
Few women enjoy it when you skip the upper body and dive straight onto the clitoris. The female body — and the clitoris in particular — needs time to get aroused.
Start at the top and work slowly downwards. Kiss her, massage and lick her nipples. Stroke her bum and thighs gently and leave a trail of kisses on her upper body. Massage her thighs and hips — that’ll drive her wild with anticipation. Then let your fingers, tongue or something else slowly slide between her labia.
“Kiss her, massage and lick her nipples. Massage her thighs and hips — that’ll drive her wild.”
The key is moving down at the right pace. Don’t take an hour, but do take at least 5 to 10 minutes.
3. Communication
Communication is crucial. No one knows better how a woman can come than the woman herself. So next time you’re in foreplay, ask her to guide you. Let her play with herself first if she likes, and watch what she’s doing. No two women are the same, so no two women like exactly the same things.
Subtle check-in
Ask her now and then if she’s enjoying what you’re doing — but don’t make it feel like a quiz. Ask her questions she can answer with a simple yes or no. That keeps her in the moment and lets her focus on the feeling.
Tip! During sex, ask her questions she can answer with a simple yes or no.
4. Try these clitoris massage tips
Not all women can come from penetration alone — 70% of women need clitoral stimulation to reach a peak. So it’s important to give her clitoris plenty of attention. Here are a few tips:
- Get your finger(s) wet: with saliva or lube. That stops things being too dry and makes it more comfortable for her.
- Don’t touch the bud directly at first: for many women direct contact feels too intense. Massage around the clitoris and/or the clitoral hood. When she’s ready, you can carefully massage the bud itself.
- The surrounding area too: stroke her labia, perineum (the area between vagina and anus) and the crease of her hips now and then.
- With your tongue: let your tongue take over. Your tongue is flexible and wet — it’ll feel amazing for her.
- Try different techniques: stroke, circle, or give light taps. Ask her what she likes.
5. Stimulate other hotspots
A woman is more than a clitoris and a vagina. There are many more spots to discover and stimulate. While you’re working her clitoris and she’s sufficiently aroused, you can insert your fingers. Do it slowly and start with one. Point your palm upwards and curl your fingers. Make a “come here” motion to stimulate the G-spot.
You can also massage her nipples while giving oral or fingering. Some women love it when you gently stimulate their anus. The anus is a sensitive spot with many nerve endings. Don’t go straight for the sphincter — stroke her bum first and end by gently caressing her anus. Always check in advance whether she’s into it. Not every woman is comfortable with anal stimulation.
“The anus is a sensitive spot with many nerve endings.”
6. Use a sex toy
If your partner finds it hard to come, introducing a sex toy into the bedroom can really help. Sex toys deliver new sensations with vibrations and pulsations that all help bring her to a peak. One of the most-recommended toys for women who don’t come easily is the wand vibrator. It started life in the 1960s as a massage device for relieving aches. But once it was discovered to deliver intense orgasms, it became a sex-toy classic.
Toys we recommend
Mini vibrator
Other toys that are brilliant during foreplay are mini vibrators and finger vibrators — both small and discreet. They’re also fantastic during sex, for adding extra stimulation to one another.
Couples’ vibrators
A couples’ vibrator (also called a duo vibrator) is a fun toy to share during sex. Part of it is inserted into her vagina, while the other part stimulates the clitoris on the outside. The internal part is flat, so the man can also penetrate her. He’ll feel the vibrations too, so you can both enjoy a single toy at once.
7. Try other sex positions
Trying new positions isn’t just fun — it can also help hit the right spot to bring her to orgasm. Here are some positions we recommend:
Her on top: positions like Cowgirl, Reverse Cowgirl and the Reverse Missionary are ideal for finding the perfect angle for G-spot stimulation. Your penis goes deep and rubs against her G-spot at the same time. Bonuses: she sets the rhythm, and you can easily reach her breasts and clitoris.
G-spot positions: examples of positions where the penis hits the G-spot include Doggy Style, Up and Over and the Italian Chandelier. An erect penis tends to point vertically toward your body. In a position like Doggy, your penis is forced into a more horizontal angle. That puts pressure on her vaginal wall — which she’ll love. There’s a reason it’s many women’s favourite.
8. Talk dirty
Studies suggest that imagination is closely tied to arousal. Many women get extra turned on when they hear naughty things whispered to them. Test the waters and start mild. Ask her, for example, if she likes how you’re taking her. Cheeky words can give her a boost up the orgasm ladder.
Discuss each other’s fantasies
Beyond whispering naughty things, it can also be very arousing to talk about your fantasies. Imagination is a powerful tool that especially helps women get aroused. Some women can even come purely from a dose of fantasy. Talk about it together and work toward her fantasy. Does she want you to act dominant in the bedroom, or play a hard-working construction worker? Try it — the chances are she’ll get closer to her orgasm.
“Some women can even come purely from a dose of fantasy. Talk about it together and work toward her fantasy.”
9. Stamina
Men generally come faster than women. When you, as a man, reach your peak, your body simply has no interest in continuing. The relaxation phase kicks in and your erection fades. You may want to keep going to bring her to orgasm, but it won’t go smoothly. So it’s wiser to let her come first. Try to delay your orgasm as long as possible. Some tips:
“You may want to keep going to bring her to orgasm, but it won’t go smoothly. So it’s wiser to let her come first.”
- Think about something else. When your orgasm is approaching, it often helps to think about something unsexy.
- Use a condom. It makes penetration less intense.
- Masturbate beforehand. If you’ve already come once, your second time will take longer.
- Practise delaying your orgasm. Try a masturbator and see if you can hold on a little longer each time.
10. Orgasm coming? Keep going!
When a man has an orgasm, there’s no stopping it. A blissful sensation kicks in and rolls until it’s over. For a woman, it’s different. A woman can be pulled out of her orgasm moment at any second.
That’s why it’s important to never stop what you’re doing when she’s approaching her peak. Even changing what you’re doing can pull her right out of the moment. Keep doing what you’re doing until she’s exhausted, relaxed and basking in the afterglow. You can even give her a second orgasm by very gently stroking her clitoris again afterwards.
“Even changing what you’re doing can pull her right out of the moment. Keep doing what you’re doing until she’s exhausted, relaxed and basking in the afterglow.”
And then… the orgasm!
Even if you’ve tried all of the above, she might still not have come. That’s totally fine — and it’s no one’s fault. Try again next time and try to remember everything you’ve learned. But if she does come, what does that look like?
Every body works differently, so every orgasm looks different too. Still, there are recognisable signs of an orgasm you can spot: rhythmic muscle contractions in her lower belly and vagina, a flushed and glistening skin, an open mouth and closed eyes, intense moaning and curling toes.
Got tips that absolutely belong on this list, or want to share your experience? Leave a comment below!