Nervous about your first time? Maybe even on the edge of a mini panic? Congrats — you’re completely normal. First-time sex is almost never how it looks on TV or in porn, and probably not how you imagine either. There’ll be fumbling and awkward moments, but here are 7 beginner-friendly positions to help you make it through without that panic attack.
The first time
Having sex with someone for the first time is really nerve-wracking — pretty much anyone who’s been through it will tell you the same. And yes, there’ll be fumbling. There’ll be awkwardness, and chances are you won’t have an orgasm. There might even be some discomfort or a little bit of blood. But hey — it’s your first time. No pressure. If you can embrace the fact that it’s going to be a bit messy, and that it gets better the more you do it, you’ve already given yourself the best chance of a fun, sexy, solid start to everything that comes next.
“Yes, there’ll be fumbling. There’ll be awkwardness, and chances are you won’t orgasm.”
“34 and still a virgin — how can my first time be a good one?”
Easy sex positions
There are loads of sex positions out there, but not every one is great for a first time. Some only really work if you love deep penetration, others if you’re seriously flexible. They can be brilliant — but maybe save them for later. The most important thing for a first time is feeling completely at ease and able to relax.
#1 The DIY
In the DIY, you and your partner sit facing each other. Make sure your feet are touching — it makes the position feel more intimate. Then you both masturbate while watching each other. Show each other the touches you like, and warm yourselves up for whatever comes next.
“While you both masturbate, you have an amazing view of each other.”
#2 Missionary
Missionary — not so impossible — is a perfect position for first-time penetrative sex. It’s a classic for a reason. For more control, instead of going straight in with legs wide open, take the usual position but curl your legs in towards yourself.
“The perfect position for first-time penetrative sex.”
#3 The 69
The 69 is one of the most famous positions out there, at least by name. It’s all about oral sex, with both partners giving and receiving at the same time. There’s not much more vulnerable than the 69.
“The 69 is all about oral sex, with both of you giving and receiving at the same time.”
#4 Spooning
Spooning isn’t just lovely and romantic when you’re falling asleep together — it’s also a fantastic sex position. It feels safe and reassuring, which makes it brilliant for a first time. Lean into that cuddly closeness for a loving, comfortable first experience.
“Spooning feels safe and reassuring — that’s why it’s brilliant for a first time.”
#5 Cowgirl
In cowgirl, the partner on top calls the shots. It might sound intimidating, but it’s actually a great option for a first time. The person on top sets the pace and depth, which helps avoid discomfort or any minor bleeding. Variations like the Leaning Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl work just as well for first-time sex.
“The person on top sets pace and depth, which helps avoid discomfort and bleeding.”
#6 The lap dance
On-top positions are great for a first time. Like the cowgirl, the lap dance puts the rider in charge — they choose the pace and depth. Going as slowly as you want is completely fine, and can actually feel even better. Place your hands on your partner’s shoulders and ride at the pace you like. Once you’ve found your rhythm, you can grind in circles or experiment with going a bit deeper.
“Going as slowly as you want is completely fine — sometimes it feels even better.”
#7 Doggy style
Like the 69, doggy style is a true classic. If the whole first-time thing feels a bit overwhelming and you’re worried about pulling weird faces, doggy style is your ally. All you have to do is get on hands and knees and focus on the feeling of having someone inside you.
“If the whole first-time thing feels overwhelming, doggy style is your ally.”
Preparation is half the battle
Remember — being well prepared takes a lot of stress out of a first time. Here are four things to keep in mind, and you’ve already laid a great foundation:
- Masturbate first: Solo play helps you get familiar with your body, how things actually work and what you genuinely enjoy.
- Protection: Whenever there’s penetrative sex, make sure you’ve got protection on hand — for STIs and for unwanted pregnancy.
- Communication: This matters before, during and after. Topics include: who’s bringing the condoms? What are you both comfortable with?
- Try to relax: You might not find each other’s hotspots straight away, and your bodies might make some funny noises. Laugh about it, and carry on. It really will be fine.
“You might not find each other’s hotspots straight away — laugh, carry on, and it’ll be fine.”
How was your first time? Better or worse than you expected? Let us know in the comments.