Fisting is an intense sexual practice that involves inserting part — or all — of the hand into the vagina or anus (we’re focusing on vaginal fisting here). Sometimes both hands are even used. But fisting is much more than just slipping a fist inside. The vaginal muscles need time to relax, you’ll need plenty of lube, and patience is essential.
Why fisting?
Vaginal fisting creates a powerful sense of fullness and intense stimulation that many women find incredibly pleasurable. It’s also notably more intimate than penetration with a sex toy. With fisting, a part of your own body is involved, just like with regular penetration. Some lesbian couples prefer fisting to toy use for exactly this reason.
“Some people find fisting much more intimate than penetration with a sex toy because it involves a real body part.”
Is fisting painful?
Fisting often gets labelled as an extreme form of sex, but that doesn’t have to be the case. Fisting can be slow and gentle too. As with any sexual practice, it’s the attitude and intentions you bring to it that matter — far more than the act itself. Once you’ve got the technique down, it becomes something neither of you will want to stop.
Contrary to popular belief, fisting isn’t dangerous or painful when done properly. You do need to take it slowly and carefully, but the vagina is flexible enough to accommodate a fist. That said, some women’s anatomy doesn’t allow for fisting. If a relaxed vagina won’t accept the fist, that’s a clear sign to stop.
Note: Relaxation is absolutely critical to fisting.
Fisting checklist
Before you start, run through the following:
Do’s
- Hygiene – Trim your nails short
- Empty bladder – The receiving partner should empty her bladder first
- Lube – Use PLENTY of lubricant
- Communication – Talk constantly with your partner; ask what feels good and what doesn’t
- Towel – Lay a towel or waterproof sheet underneath the receiving partner
Don’ts
- Rushing – Don’t hurry the process
- Forcing the fist – Don’t try to insert your whole hand at once
- Materials matter – Don’t use oil-based lube with latex gloves; the two don’t mix well
- Numbing lubes – These dull your ability to tell if something’s going wrong
Getting started with fisting
If you want to learn how to fist, there are a few key things to focus on. Follow the steps below and you’ll be ready to start safely and confidently.
Step 1: Preparation
Before you start, make sure the receiving partner is fully aroused. Warm her up with oral, clitoral stimulation, or play with her anus if she’s into that.
Use plenty of lube. Specialist fisting lube is best — it has a thicker texture so you don’t have to keep topping up. Small tears can sometimes happen during fisting, so fisting gels are made with natural ingredients to avoid irritation.
Step 2: Shaping the hand
Knowing how to position your hand correctly is crucial. One or two fingers is rarely an issue, but to go further you need to think carefully about how you arrange your fingers.
Hold your palm up. Place your index and ring fingers on top of your middle finger. You should see a pyramid shape forming. Then bring your little finger and thumb together to make your hand as compact as possible. Sometimes it helps to massage and stretch your hand beforehand to improve flexibility.
“Bring your index and ring fingers together, then place your thumb and little finger against each other. That’s the right fisting position.”
Step 3: Inserting the hand
After applying plenty of lube, insert your fingers slowly, one at a time. Give her vagina time to stretch. Wait until you can comfortably get four fingers in. Then bring your thumb into the position described in Step 2. Getting past the knuckles is the most intense part. Wait until the vagina is sufficiently relaxed — it’ll let you in on its own. Once you’re inside, forming a fist and gently penetrating is straightforward.
Step 4: Stimulation
Once inside, even the smallest movements can produce huge sensations. Make slow small circular motions with your fist and gently move your knuckles against the cervix. The G-spot can also be stimulated this way. You can also stimulate the vaginal opening by moving your fist gently in and out.
Step 5: The way out
Done? Make sure you never pull your whole hand out at once. Removing the hand has to be just as slow and deliberate as the entry. Use your other hand to massage the vaginal opening and keep the muscles relaxed. You can give your partner a vibrator or stroke her clitoris to take her mind off any discomfort during the exit. That way fisting stays enjoyable for both of you — which is exactly the point.
Note: Never pull your hand out in one motion.
The best fisting toys
Maybe you don’t have a partner right now, or your partner isn’t into fisting. The good news: fisting dildos let you experience the same intense sensation solo. A fisting dildo is realistically sized — shaped like a clenched fist or tightly held fingers — and mimics the feel of an actual hand brilliantly. Some models even come with a handy suction cup so you can fix them to any smooth surface and enjoy hands-free.
How was your first fisting experience? Let us know in the comments.