Reaching the top can be a challenge — especially when it comes to the female orgasm. But good fingering, with a little attention and patience, makes all the difference. With these finger tips you’ll give your bedmate an unforgettable peak. Read on, discover her most sensitive spots, and do your bit to close the orgasm gap.
How do you finger her?
1. Prepare properly
- Trim your nails. Sharp nails can hurt. The skin of the vagina is soft and delicate, so sharp edges can quickly cause small tears. Trim and file your nails before you start. For hygiene, also wash your hands and clean any dirt from under your nails.
“Make sure your fingers are clean and use a little lube to help them glide more easily.”
- Use lube. It usually doesn’t feel great if the massaging and rubbing is dry. You can make your fingers move much more smoothly with water-based lube. It makes fingering easier for you and more comfortable for her.
2. Know her vagina
There are people (men and women alike) who don’t really know what a vagina actually looks like. Many can’t pinpoint the clitoris — even though it’s the spot you most want to “play” while fingering. No worries if you’re not totally sure. Even some women aren’t entirely sure how it all fits together. Wondering how to finger her? It helps to look at an anatomical diagram.
The clitoris
The clitoris might look like a small bump or button at the top of her vulva. But many people don’t realise the clitoris is actually quite large beneath the skin. The external part is the small bud you can see. It’s very sensitive and is often stimulated during fingering with fingers or a clitoral toy. Internally, the clitoris extends about 5 cm down beneath the labia. The clitoris is usually covered by a kind of hood — the clitoral hood — which protects it.
The G-spot
The G-spot is a much-discussed area inside the vagina. For some women it’s wonderful to stimulate; others feel little from G-spot stimulation. But it’s always worth giving the G-spot a chance. It sits roughly 3 to 5 centimetres deep in the vagina, on the front (belly) wall. It should feel slightly raised and ridged.
3. Foreplay before fingering
Few women enjoy it when you go straight for the clitoris. Give her time to get aroused. Foreplay is perfect for that. Wondering how to finger her in a way that really turns her on? Start gently: begin at the top and end at the vagina, taking everything along the way. Kiss her neck, stroke her thighs, lick her nipples. Especially when you’re getting near her vagina but not yet doing anything there, she’ll be wild with anticipation.
“Begin foreplay at the top of her body and end at the vagina, taking everything along the way.”
4. Try these clitoral fingering techniques
- Stroking: First stroke her outer labia and work your way to the centre. Stroke from top to bottom, around the clitoris. You can also stroke the clitoral hood. When she’s really aroused, you can carefully finger the clit itself. Use little to no pressure.
- Circling: Move your fingertips in circles around her clitoris. Barely touch the bud itself. If she asks for more, place a finger directly on the clitoris and continue with the circular motion.
- Tapping: For women who want a bit more stimulation, this technique can be a winner. Start slowly and tap lightly on her clitoris. Don’t use too much force; just touch her lightly there. Increase the pace as she becomes more aroused.
5. Start slowly
You can pick up the pace, but do it later and gradually. Begin gently so she can really focus on what you’re doing. When she asks for more, that’s your cue to step it up.
“If she asks for more, you can absolutely give a little more pressure or speed.”
6. Try this G-spot fingering technique
- G-spot stimulation: You can choose to stimulate the G-spot at the same time as the clitoris — that’s up to you and her. Use your index and middle fingers for this technique. Slide them slowly into her vagina with your nails facing her back. Now curl your fingers in a “come here” motion. That’s how you stimulate her G-spot. You can apply a bit of pressure (not too much) to really activate the spot.
7. Be tender
Many people think a woman has to be handled roughly to get her aroused. They start fingering as if mimicking penetration, or press hard and fast on her clitoris. That’s a no — unless she explicitly tells you she likes it. The clitoris is incredibly sensitive and contains more than twice as many nerve endings as the entire glans. Loving, soft touches feel much better.
“You don’t need to finger a woman roughly to turn her on.”
8. Take it all in
While fingering, don’t focus only on her clitoris — also stroke her inner and outer labia from time to time. Massaging her breasts, nipples, buttocks or the inside of her thighs during fingering is often appreciated too. Some women even like it when you stroke their anus. Don’t go for it without checking — ask her, or move your finger slowly toward it and watch her reaction. Moaning means “okay”. Clenching her bum or pulling away means “not okay”.
9. Communicate with her
- Ask her what she thinks of the fingering. It’s perfectly fine to ask now and then whether she’s enjoying what you’re doing — just keep it in proportion. Asking once or twice if you’re on the right track is no harm. You can also let her show you what she likes.
- Watch her body language. Communication isn’t just verbal. Pay attention to her body and reactions. Is she spreading her legs more, moaning louder, moving toward you? You’re doing well. If she’s barely making sound, pulling her body away or closing her legs, your technique probably needs a different approach.
10. Keep one rhythm
Most women come when one rhythm is sustained. As her breathing speeds up and she moans louder, her orgasm could be on its way. If you stop or change technique or rhythm, it’s likely her orgasm slips away. So keep going the same way at the same pace — unless she asks you to go harder or faster, of course.
The Clitoris Conquest
Sadly, the clitoris is still unfamiliar territory for many people. The result is the orgasm gap: women come far less often during sex than men. That has to change.
Got questions about fingering or want to share your tips? Drop a comment below!