Where men often joke about masturbation, the conversation around “how do you finger yourself” can still feel taboo among women. That’s a shame, because masturbating — whether by fingering or another method — is just as enjoyable for women as it is for men. There’s no reason for awkwardness; fingering is a completely normal and important activity!
Note: This article is about how to finger yourself. Want to know how to finger your partner? Click here.
Contents
- Clitoral stimulation
- Relax and experiment
- The right mood
- Techniques to try
- Bonus tips
- Toys to try
Clitoral stimulation
There are many different ways to pleasure yourself with fingering. There’s no wrong way — what matters is that it feels good for you. Many women asking “how do you finger yourself” start with clitoral stimulation. After all, it’s one of the most sensitive spots on the body. Clitoral stimulation is also the most common form of fingering on average.
Research has shown that the chance of orgasm is greatest when the clitoris is stroked diagonally. On average, it takes a woman 20 to 30 minutes to reach a peak. Whether you’re learning fingering, Spanish or pottery — it takes time to learn a new skill. Like any new skill, fingering may also feel a little awkward or unfamiliar at first.
Relax and experiment
Before you ask yourself “how do you finger yourself”, it’s good to know there’s no rush. When you start fingering or masturbating in general, try not to focus too much on coming. Think of your orgasm as the cherry on top, not the cake itself. Stimulation alone already feels deliciously arousing, and sometimes that’s enough. The same goes for sex — orgasm should never be the only goal.
It also helps to focus on what feels good rather than what’ll get you to orgasm fastest. Take a few weeks to try out different strokes and touches. Vary the speed and the pressure too. That way you’ll start building a mental list of techniques you enjoy.
“While fingering, focus your attention on what feels good — not on what’ll bring you to orgasm fastest.”
The right mood
How do you finger yourself if you’re not yet in the mood? The answer is simple: build up gradually. Women generally need more time to warm up than men. So don’t dive straight onto your clitoris when you want to finger yourself — start gently. Take it slow. Everyone has their own preferences here. You might get in the mood by watching porn, reading something erotic, or touching your erogenous zones.
“Taking the time to get in the mood gives your body the chance to get aroused too.”
You can warm yourself up before fingering by gently stroking your nipples or outer labia. Taking time to get in the mood gives your body a chance to come along — your brain may already be aroused while your body is still catching up.
When your body becomes aroused, you’ll notice you become wet. That’s because of increased blood flow down there. When you’re wet, it’s also much more comfortable to touch yourself and start fingering.
How to finger yourself: techniques to try
- Try a diagonal stroke. Imagine a clock above your clitoris. The 12 points toward your anus and the 6 toward your navel. Stroke from 1 to 7 if you’re right-handed, or from 11 to 5 if you’re left-handed.
- Use a finger to draw small circles around your clitoris without touching it directly.
- Rub against your clitoris with one finger, or two. Build up to more fingers — three, then four, then your whole hand.
- Use two fingers, one on each side of your clitoris. Rub up and down, or try left to right.
- Tap your clitoris with one or two fingers.
- Keep your underwear on and rub against your clitoris through the fabric. You can also try this with jeans on.
- Pull your outer labia together and rub through the skin against your clitoris.
Bonus tips!
- Make sure your nails are trimmed and have no sharp edges. This prevents tiny tears in the vagina.
- Use lube so your fingers glide more smoothly over your clitoris, or for extra stimulation.
- Try masturbating in different positions — for example lying on your stomach or while sitting.
- Stimulate your clitoris with something other than your fingers, such as a pillow.
- Hold your breath while masturbating (not too long!).
- Tense your muscles while masturbating. Try squeezing your toes, fingers or core. Or tense everything at once. Don’t forget your pelvic-floor muscles either.
- Try masturbating with a toy.
Sex toys to try
Still struggling to answer “how do you finger yourself” with fingers alone? Try a toy. With a sex toy you can also brilliantly figure out what you like and what you don’t. Some women need more intense stimulation to get aroused or reach orgasm. Plus, it’s a great way to add extra stimulation during sex or solo time. New to sex toys? A vibrator is a brilliant place to start.
An interesting option in the world of vibrators is the finger vibrator. These tiny, innovative toys slip over your finger like a little jacket, suddenly making your fingers buzz. It delivers focused stimulation — perfect for fingering!
What are your best masturbation tips? Share them in a comment!