Going down on a woman (also known as cunnilingus) is something a lot of people are curious about, but no one really talks about openly. So how do you actually do it well? To get you started, we’ve rounded up the best techniques!
What is cunnilingus?
Stimulating the vulva — including the labia and clitoris — by licking it is called cunnilingus, or going down. It’s far more intimate than fingering and tends to spark more arousal. But how do you do it in a way that really lets her enjoy herself? It starts with knowing what to do and how. Did you know that many women reach orgasm more quickly through oral than through fingering or penetration?
A few more upsides of giving great oral: no sharp nails to worry about, your tongue feels soft, and you’ve always got natural lubrication on hand! When she feels comfortable while you’re between her legs, you can drive her wild with pleasure.
“Once oral becomes a regular part of your love-making, she’ll want sex even more often!”
Oral is an effective route to orgasm because it stimulates the clitoris directly. Few women orgasm from penetration alone. By heading south, you’re showing that her pleasure (and orgasm!) matters too.
The big question, of course: how do you actually do it well?
How to go down on a woman: the 7 best techniques
1. Put her at ease before you start
Before you dive into oral, your bed partner needs to feel comfortable. If she’s not relaxed, she can’t fully let go. Early in a relationship, she might also feel self-conscious about whether everything smells fresh or looks alright.
So how do you go down on her with real results? Start with reassurance, attention and a compliment. Tell her she looks beautiful, that you really want to go down on her, and that you want to make her feel as good as possible. By easing her insecurities, you set her up to enjoy herself completely.
“Early in a relationship, women can feel insecure about whether everything smells fresh or looks the way it ‘should’ down there.”
2. Pick the right position
Your partner probably knows which position feels most comfortable for her. If she’s open to suggestions, pop a cushion under her bottom to lift her hips.
That makes it easier for you to reach and saves your neck. Keep her knees as far apart as possible so you’ve got plenty of space to work with.
If a position doesn’t feel right, try another.
3. Tease before you please
Don’t think you’ll get away with diving straight for the clitoris. Slow down — build a bit of tension first.
Skip clitoral stimulation for a moment and start by gently nibbling her ear or kissing and stroking her neck. Take your time and gradually move down.
Once you’ve reached her vulva, kiss and lick gently along the inside of her thighs and around the labia. The inner and outer labia are sensitive zones for many women, as is the entrance to the vagina. Don’t forget those!
“The inner and outer labia, as well as the entrance to the vagina, are sensitive zones — don’t forget them!”
By the time you’re near the clitoris, the anticipation will already have built up nicely.
4. Stimulate the clitoris
Once she’s properly aroused, it’s time to head towards the clitoris. The most important thing is to start gently, so you can build up gradually to her climax. Don’t go too fast.
Bear in mind that a flat tongue feels very different from the tip of your tongue. A flat tongue covers a larger area; a pointed tongue feels much more intense and is best saved for later on.
You can carefully spread her labia with two fingers to reach everything. If she’s wet enough, you can use your fingers to add extra stimulation alongside the licking.
“Bear in mind that a flat tongue feels very different from the tip of your tongue.”
You may have heard that “tracing the alphabet” is a clever way to find out which moves she likes. You’d “draw” the letters A to Z with your tongue. You can try it, but it’s tricky to remember which “letters” she liked best.
Try thinking of her vulva like a clock face and notice which “times” turn her on. Let her know now and again that you’re enjoying yourself. It turns her on, and the vibrations from your lips when you moan add extra stimulation!
5. Listen to her body
Possibly the most important technique of all: pay close attention to how she’s responding. Adjust what you’re doing based on her reactions. Watch her breathing, and notice how her hips move.
“If her breathing gets heavier, you’re doing it right!”
Some women prefer focused attention on the clitoris; others love stimulation across the whole vulva. Many also enjoy you stroking their breasts and thighs at the same time. Try a few things and see what works.
6. Building to the big finish
After a while, you can pick up the pace and work towards the climax. If you sense she’s getting close, keep doing exactly what you’re doing.
It’s important to maintain a steady pace and rhythm at this stage. Bear in mind that she may not actually come — and that’s fine.
Don’t be too laser-focused on making her come. The most important thing is that she’s enjoying herself, with or without an orgasm.
7. Aftercare
Did she come thanks to your oral skills? Stop stimulating the clitoris with your tongue. The clitoris is very sensitive right after orgasm and needs a moment to recover.
This is your moment to climb back up and lie next to your partner… or to keep the cheeky games going.
Did you manage to bring your partner to orgasm with these techniques? Got a tip we missed? Let us know in the comments below!