Anal sex is one of the most exciting and pleasurable forms of sex. But if you’ve never done it, getting started can feel intimidating. It can feel like an unknown black hole with one looming thought: pain. It really doesn’t have to hurt! With our tips, plus patience, trust and plenty of lube, you can make your first time anal unforgettable.
#1. Talk about it
The most important part of anal sex is communication. Whether you’re just exploring this side of things or are already experienced, openly talking about your wishes and limits is a must! Tell each other what you’re open to and share any wishes, desires or feelings you have around anal.
Remember! Before you go ahead with anal, talking about it is essential.
Your partner is allowed to know if you’re feeling a bit nervous, scared or excited. Don’t push for it and let each other get used to the idea. Everyone is ready in their own time.
#2. Start slowly
Always remember to take it slow with anal. Going straight to your goal can have painful consequences. Give it as much time as it needs. That could be an hour, but it could just as easily be days, weeks or even months before you go all the way.
Begin by playing with the anus so you can get used to the sensation. There are several ways to do this — see our anal foreplay guide for more.
Always use lube
It’s essential to use lube for every form of anal stimulation. Unlike the vagina, the anus doesn’t produce its own lubrication to make penetration comfortable and easy. Lube is a non-negotiable for anal sex.
So what kind of lube is best? A thick consistency works best for anal use. There are special anal lubes available. If you’re worried about pain, there’s also a spray that helps the anus relax.
Our sexperts recommend…
Relaxing the sphincter
To really enjoy anal sex, relaxing the sphincter is key. At first this can be a challenge — the sphincter’s instinctive reflex is to clench. But with the right relaxation techniques, that turns into a pleasurable journey of discovery.
Start with deep breathing exercises to relax your body, including the sphincter. Exploring other erogenous zones can also help reduce tension. Soft touches or a clitoral vibrator can enhance the experience.
“For some, holding a small vibrating toy against the anus helps relax the muscles, making penetration easier.”
By embracing these approaches, you open the door to deeper self-knowledge and pleasure. It builds a solid foundation of trust and comfort, ready for adventures with your partner. Discover, enjoy and let yourself be surprised by what you learn about your own pleasure.
Massaging the anus
- Important! Trim your nails beforehand to avoid causing tiny tears.
- Apply a little anal lube to your finger and/or anus and start gently massaging.
- Trace small circles around the anus with your finger. You can also do this with your tongue — known as “rimming”.
- While massaging you’ll notice the anus contracts when touched. That’s a natural reflex and totally normal. The longer you massage, the more the sphincter relaxes.
- When you’ve been at it long enough and it feels good, you can try to slowly insert your finger. Communicate and watch your partner’s body language. Flinching usually means pain.
#3. Toys for anal foreplay
If you don’t fancy using your fingers, or you’re worried about scratching your partner with a fingernail, you can also use an anal toy.
A narrow anal dildo works well, as does a vibrator — the vibrations help the sphincter relax. A butt plug is another great option.
#4. What we recommend in anal toys
Always use a toy specifically designed for anal use. These have a flared base so the toy can’t slip inside. It happens more often than you’d think — people ending up at A&E with an object stuck in their bowel.
The rule of thumb before considering anything in the anus: make absolutely sure the toy is narrow. Don’t forget to use plenty of anal lube with toys too.
Note! Silicone toys don’t react well to silicone-based lube.
What we recommend is an anal toy with a soft outside (like silicone) and a firm core. These are more comfortable than toys with a hard outside and easier to insert than fully flexible ones.
Anal vibrator
An anal vibrator is a vibrating toy made for anal use. Best to start with a slim anal vibrator. They’re extra narrow, making them ideal for newcomers to anal.
Hold the vibrator against the anus first so the sphincter can get used to the vibrations. Then, with lube, slowly insert it.
Anal dildo
If vibrations are too much, you can opt for an anal dildo instead. A silicone anal dildo with a suction cup is a great starter toy.
The advantage of this dildo is the suction cup — you can use it hands-free on any smooth surface!
#5. The main event — first time anal
After thorough anal foreplay, anal sex itself will go far more smoothly and feel a lot better. Regardless of how much lube you used during foreplay, you’ll need to apply a generous fresh layer for actual penetration.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re using a strap-on or a penis — always apply enough lube to both the dildo or penis and the anus that’s being penetrated.
Start gently
The key to a great first time anal is taking it slow. The anus isn’t really designed for penetration, so you have to go in inch by inch and keep communicating with each other.
If you’re the one penetrating, let your partner tell you how deep you can go and how hard you can thrust. Stop immediately if either of you feels uncomfortable. You can always pick it up later.
It’s perfectly fine if one of you wants to stop after a few minutes. You can simply try again another time.
Tip! Stimulate other body parts during anal sex — it can help with both relaxation and arousal. You can stimulate the clitoris or penis with a hand or with a clitoral vibrator or mini vibrator.
Mind the hygiene
Never go from anus to vagina, or anus to mouth, without first washing the penis, fingers or toy. Bacteria can spread easily and make you ill, or cause a urinary tract infection.
An easy solution is an anal douche. It’s a tool for cleaning the inside of the anus and rectum, helping prevent any unwanted smells or surprises during sex.
Also be aware that little accidents can happen. That’s normal and nothing to be embarrassed about.
#6. Safety first, always
We want to stress how important it is to be safe. So we’ll close with a quick checklist of things to remember:
Checklist: before you start
- Communication: Have you discussed your wishes and limits with your partner?
- Hygiene: Are your nails short and free of sharp edges? Have you washed your hands, anus and toys?
- Anal douche: Have you used an anal douche if needed?
- Tools: Do you have condoms, anal lube and/or sex toys to hand?
Checklist: during anal sex
- Communication: Are you regularly checking in with your partner? Are you communicating enough?
- Foreplay: Are you aroused? Is the sphincter relaxed?
- Massage: Have you warmed up the anus with anal lube? Or with an anal sex toy?
- Switching to other stimulation: Have you cleaned the genitals before moving to vaginal or oral sex?
Checklist: after the deed
- Hygiene: Have you cleaned everything with mild soap, lukewarm water and/or toy cleaner?
- Check for tears: Have you checked for any tears or discomfort? When in doubt, contact your GP.
- Communication: Have you talked about what you did and didn’t enjoy during the experience?
Become an ass-tronaut
Houston, we have a prostate!
We’ve got a special Anal Training Kit, perfect for beginners.
The box contains a butt plug, a vibrating plug, a string of anal beads, an anal douche, and a tube of anal lube — so you can dive right in. And there’s a free keyring thrown in too!
Have any questions about your first time, or want to share your experience? Drop a comment below!