Dear Talitha, I’ve been struggling with feeling too wet during sex with my boyfriend. Sometimes he can feel less and ends up losing his erection. I find it hard to come too. It makes me really self-conscious. What can I do?
— Mila
Dear Mila,
You’ll often see articles about women who struggle to get aroused or who experience vaginal dryness. But the opposite is just as real: feeling too wet. When that happens, the friction during sex can feel reduced, which can make it harder for your partner to keep an erection and tougher for you to enjoy the stimulation fully.
How does a vagina get wet?
When you’re aroused, blood flow to the vagina and vulva increases. The blood vessels expand, and — just like with men — the intimate area swells slightly. Blood is largely made up of fluid, and as the pressure inside the blood vessels rises, that fluid eventually finds its way out. It’s pushed through the vaginal walls, creating a kind of “sweat response”. That’s the natural lubrication you feel when you’re turned on.
Several glands near the vaginal opening also produce fluid during arousal — the Bartholin glands and the Skene glands.
Feeling too wet during sex
Whether or not you get wet during sex depends on lots of factors. Hormonal changes can have a big impact: think the fluctuations around ovulation, the menopause, or with hormonal contraceptives. Feeling extra wet often points to increased blood flow to the vagina and relaxed pelvic floor muscles. In short: more blood flow can mean a wetter vagina.
The role of the pelvic floor
A lot of blood flow can suggest that the pelvic floor muscles around your vagina aren’t quite strong enough. The pelvic floor is the group of muscles in your pelvis that you tighten when you try to hold in your wee. They play a big role in sexual function: weak pelvic floor muscles can mean less sensation, less arousal and difficulty climaxing. Too much tension can also block blood flow, narrow the vagina, and even cause pain or make penetration impossible.
The aim is usually to train these muscles to be neither too strong nor too weak. A bit more strength can help maintain healthy blood flow while increasing sensation during stimulation, and may even help regulate any excess moisture.
“The pelvic floor muscles play a really important role in sexual function.”
What to do when you feel too wet
To boost sensation and balance the blood flow to your vagina, you can train your pelvic floor muscles with Kegel exercises. These help you become aware of tightening and relaxing the muscle group consciously.
Other tips
- Use a sex toy together during penetration, like a couples’ vibrator. That way both of you can enjoy extra stimulation.
- Have sex in the shower. Water rinses away vaginal fluid easily, which is why most people find shower sex feels a bit drier. That might actually work in your favour here.
- Wipe occasionally with a small towel or tissue. Not the most glamorous solution, but you can’t change how much fluid your body produces in the moment.
Got a question about sexuality too? Drop it in the comments below or reach out via my contact form. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Names have been changed for privacy reasons.