Dear Talitha, a while back I discovered that I really enjoy fingering myself anally during sex. My girlfriend knows about it, but she finds the idea of touching my anus a little weird and scary. It makes me feel quite ashamed. Is it normal for a straight man to enjoy anal stimulation?
— Leon, 42
Dear Leon,
Everyone has their own sexual preferences. We’re all unique in that respect. What feels great for one person doesn’t necessarily appeal to another at all. And really, who gets to decide what’s “normal” in the first place?
Anal stimulation
For a long time, anal stimulation was thought of as something only gay men enjoyed. People also weren’t surprised to hear about anal sex between heterosexual couples, where the woman was the receiver. Even though some taboo lingers, straight men can absolutely enjoy anal stimulation too. Receiving it says nothing about your sexuality.
Fact! You can recognise the prostate as the slightly firmer spot inside the anus, about the size of a walnut.
Through the anus, you can reach the prostate, which sits roughly five centimetres inside. The prostate is sometimes called the male G-spot or P-spot. It sits in an area packed with nerve endings, which makes it a particularly sensitive spot for stimulation. Prostate play can lead to a strong erection and even a really intense orgasm.
What is “normal”?
A high or low libido, kinky or vanilla sex, having or not having sexual feelings, particular preferences, sex toys or no sex toys, different kinds of stimulation: the world of sex is incredibly broad. As I said, everyone has their own preferences, desires, wishes and limits. Nobody can really decide what’s normal, abnormal, healthy or unhealthy in there. Whatever your wishes are, the most important thing is that you embrace and accept yourself. As long as your sexual behaviour doesn’t harm anyone and is legal, it’s something you can keep enjoying. There’s no need for shame — plenty of people share your preferences.
“Everyone has their own sexual preferences, desires, wishes and limits. Nobody can really decide what’s normal, abnormal, healthy or unhealthy.”
Adding anal stimulation to your sex life
Once you’ve moved past the shame and feel ready to bring anal stimulation into your sex life, it’s important to consider your partner’s wishes and limits. Even if you’ve fully accepted it yourself, that doesn’t mean your partner finds it just as easy. Open up the conversation and explain what you find so good about anal stimulation. Talk through the options, because anal play comes in many forms. Don’t push, and respect your partner’s perspective too. Only an open, honest chat will help you meet each other in the middle.
Anal play — how to do it
Curious about the different ways you can add anal stimulation to your sex life? There are loads of options:
- Fingering yourself anally, either while masturbating or during sex with a partner;
- Your partner fingering you anally;
- Oral stimulation, also known as rimming;
- Using a sex toy you can insert yourself, like a butt plug, anal dildo or anal vibrator;
- Anal penetration, where your partner penetrates you using a strap-on. This is often called pegging.
Got a question about sexuality too? Drop it in the comments below or reach out via my contact form. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
Names have been changed for privacy reasons.